


Among the Stars

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, heavy discussion of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27390940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The rest of the boys always suspected there was something more to your relationship, but the both of you were quick to shut down their skepticism. You were just best friends, right?Only, you had fallen in love with Suga.
Relationships: Sugawara Koushi/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18





	Among the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first time writing something, and though i doubt it'll receive much attention, i hope someone out there finds this! please take note of the tags, as the content included might not be suitable for some. enjoy <3

You’ve been best friends with Koushi Sugawara for the entirety of your high school career.

It all began three years ago on your first day at Karasuno High, at the start of your first class. Your math teacher had asked the class to take out calculators, as they would be needed for that day’s lesson. Unfortunately, you had only moved two days prior, and buying school supplies wasn’t nearly as enticing as decorating the freshly painted walls of your brand new room. 

Your eyes bounced from person to person around you, all of them now with a calculator sitting readily in their hands, and you cursed yourself for thinking grabbing a single notebook and a black ball point pen from your mother’s half-unpacked office would suffice. But really, what teacher _actually_ has any intentions of lecturing on the first day? _Luck just isn’t in my cards today_ , you had gloomily thought to yourself.

In reality, you just hadn’t given the day a proper chance.

You suddenly felt the ever so gentle tap of a single finger on your left shoulder, and you turned around in search of its owner. You were met with a silver-haired boy with kind eyes and a friendly smile, who momentarily broke eye contact to reach into his bag and pull out a small calculator. “Need one of these?” he laughed lightly. You felt a rush of embarrassment and knew it was evident on your face, _He must think I’m so stupid_. “Uh...yeah, I sorta didn’t get the bring-your-calculator-to-school memo this morning,” your witty response summoned another smile of his.

“Take this one,” he reached out his left hand which was holding the calculator and smirked, “It’s just my extra. I know it’s pretty small, but if you squint really hard you can make out most of the numbers.” You smiled and took the calculator from him, emphasizing how thankful you were for his generosity. He assured you it was no big deal.

You could’ve gone to the store that night and bought a calculator for yourself; you had ample time and there was a store nearby that sold office supplies. You were almost out the door on your way to buy one, when you quickly realized you never learned the boy’s name, and after some careful deliberation you concluded that remaining calculator-less would serve as a hidden conversation starter.

Your master plan would prove to be very effective. You sheepishly turned around in your seat the next day and looked at him, he was already dating a fresh page in his notebook, unsuspecting of your gaze. You shifted in your seat and the sound of your jacket zipper clinking against the cool metal of your chair caught his attention. At first he simply stared back, but your expression prompted him to playfully roll his eyes and retrieve the item he knew you needed from his bag. “Again?” He poked fun at you as you took it from him. You blurted out a convincing apology, coming up with some excuse as to why you were still unprepared, all the while he laughed and swore he didn’t mind.

You shamelessly kept up this act for the next week, until one day he insisted you keep it. “You seem to be pretty attached to it,” he had teased. “Consider it a late welcoming gift.” By then, the two of you knew each other’s names and had even exchanged numbers—which you of course took advantage of, often texting him for “help with math homework.”

Something between the two of you clicked, and you seamlessly transitioned from strangers to an inseparable pair. You supported him at all his volleyball games, always willing to take a few hours out of your day to make sure he could hear your voice cheering loudly over the rest of the crowd. After each game, regardless of his performance or the final score, you’d engulf him in a big hug, choosing to ignore his sweaty aroma. The rest of the boys always suspected there was something... _more_ to your relationship, but the both of you were quick to shut down their skepticism. You were just best friends, right?

Only, you had fallen in love with Suga. 

Maybe it was the way you felt the safest in his arms. You initially started to greet him with those post-game hugs to congratulate him, but you soon found yourself looking forward to them a little too much, as if they were more for _you_ than him.

Maybe it was the way you couldn’t stop your eyes from lingering on him during his games. Even if he wasn’t in control of the ball at the moment, you were mesmerized by the concentrated look on his face as he planned his next move, or the prideful manner in which he uplifted his teammates.

Or maybe it was because, when considering every other person you met throughout your years at Karasuno, none of them replicated the feelings Suga evoked in you.

The mere sight of him affected you all over. Your legs would feel weak, threatening to give out and send you tumbling. Your stomach would be thrown into a fit of backflips and swarmed with a million butterflies, almost to the point of nausea. Your face would quickly display a blush so intense that it reached the tip of your ears. Your heart would start beating forcefully, you wouldn’t be surprised if those around you could hear it themselves. 

You have managed to repress these feelings for years, never wanting to sabotage the beautiful relationship that blossomed between the two of you. It wasn’t an easy feat, and you were thoroughly convinced Suga had noticed your lovesick reactions a few times before. Still, you were determined to subdue your emotions, even if it pained you. Sometimes, when it’s just the two of you, you could swear your heart was threatening to jump out of your chest right then and there.

Tonight you were especially overwhelmed with your secret feelings. 

You guys have created countless rituals over time; post-match hugs, pre-test study sessions, special birthday dinners. Your personal favorite, though, was simply accompanying one another home on nights that practice ran late (which happened quite often, Hinata truly never runs out of energy during practices). Coincidentally—and to your delight—you guys are only separated by a single fork in the road; his house to the left and yours to the right. Once the two of you figured this out, walking home together after practice became an unspoken agreement.

It was a Friday, and the boys were filled with excitement for the weekend ahead of them. This excitement converted into incessant energy, which ended in a Friday night practice running entirely too late. Inside the gym it felt like the early afternoon, but outside the moon was full and the stars were shining. Once Suga finishes changing, he finds you waiting for him standing under the nearest lamppost. 

“Hey there,” he speaks softly, yet manages to steal your attention away from the phone in your hands. Lifting up your head, your eyes meet his, _he looks more tired than usual_. “Suga!” you exclaim, maybe a little too excited, but he smiles nonetheless, and the two of you begin your journey home.

It’s approaching wintertime, and the cold air is unforgiving. Although you’re layered up with a scarf and your gloved hands are crammed into the small pockets of your jacket, you’re shivering slightly. You glance over at Suga, expecting to find him in the same predicament, but you notice he seems rather content. His head is tilted upwards, and he has a longing expression on his face as he watches the sky. Despite the powerful darkness engulfing your surroundings, the moonlight illuminates his face, just enough for you to see the beauty mark beneath his left eye. 

“Stars are such beautiful creations,” he breaks the comfortable silence. You join his gaze, relishing in the allure of the twinkling specks above you. He’s always had a keen eye, and often realizes small details of life that would normally go unnoticed by others. Last year, for your birthday, he surprised you with tickets to your favorite artists’ concert. You were absolutely ecstatic, but wondered how he knew to get such a perfect gift since you had never talked about your love for them. He only laughed at your confusion, explaining that he constantly heard their music spilling out of your headphones and noticed a small poster hung on the back of your bedroom door during the study sessions you two held.

“Yeah, they really are,” you agreed as you reminisced over such a fond memory, your stomach mimicking the fluttering you felt that same day last year. “When I die, I want to become a star in the sky,” he explains aloud. You hummed in response and smiled at the thought of becoming a star once you left this world, joining everyone else in a new form. He continues, “I hope I’ll be able to shine brightly for everyone down here to admire.”

Something in the tone of his voice makes you slowly come to a stop. “Are you okay, Suga?” you ask as he stops in his path and looks back at you, “Why are you talking like that?” you question further. 

“Of course I’m okay,” he replies plainly, the look on his face revealing he’s puzzled by your concerned inquiries. He turns back around and continues walking, leaving you behind for a moment, until the distance between you two starts to make you feel uneasy and you hurriedly catch up to him. 

“Do you remember when I gave you that calculator?” he suddenly asked, and you were grateful he shifted to something of a more lighthearted nature. You look at him fondly, “How could I forget? It’s how we became friends.” Suga flashes a genuine smile. “You were such a forgetful person back then. Gosh—what would you have done without me?” He dramatically clutches his chest and you laugh at his antics, playfully replying, “I definitely wouldn't have survived. I mean, how could I ever have passed the class without that miniature thing?” You both continue laughing and recalling the countless memories shared between you two, neither of you can believe that you’ll soon be graduating, leaving behind the place that’s home to all the memories you’ve created.

Eventually, you reach the dreadful fork in the road. By now, you have associated this exact point with a feeling of sadness, as it only ever signals the departure between you two. You both stop and linger for a moment, the scattered chirps of crickets seem louder than they were a minute ago. 

Suddenly, Suga takes a step forward and closes the small gap between you two, enveloping you in a hug that takes you by surprise; normally the two of you simply wave at one another and bid your temporary goodbyes. Despite running around in a stuffy gym, he smelled fresh, you wonder if anything about him isn’t perfect. Instinctively you hug him back, you feel his hold on you tighten. You usually don’t get the chance to hug him outside of games, and his unusual gesture makes your heart race. _Oh, no. He can feel my heartbeat right now, can’t he?_ You hoped the abundance of clothing separating you both was enough to keep it hidden. The two of you remain this way for a little while longer, until he pulls away and returns to his original position a couple feet away. 

“I’m really glad you needed that calculator.” You blush lightly at his remark, darting your eyes to the pavement beneath you. _Why is he so sentimental tonight?_

“I am too, Suga. I’m happy we’re friends,” you say, though your heart constricts at the last word. _Friends._

You muster up the courage to lift your head, and you can’t help but to admire him. Words that properly describe his beauty don’t exist, he’s ethereal. His eyes twinkle enchantingly, tonight isn’t the first time they’ve tempted you to spill your feelings. His smooth hair is disheveled, but it somehow adds to his charm. The fair skin of his cheeks is now tinted a faint pink from the cold, and it takes everything in you to not reach over and cup his face. 

You search for any sign of something more in his face, _maybe tonight’s the night I confess my true feelings_ , the daring thought briefly crossing your mind. _What if he feels the same? The way he was talking before...there has to be some meaning behind it, right?_

You often overanalyzed Suga’s actions until it all became too stressful, and tonight was no different. The desperate voices in your head screaming at you to take a chance were once again dominated by a more powerful sense of reason, and the mess of words in the back of your throat ready to be spoken faded away on command.

Reluctant goodnight’s are shared as you each head to your own houses. Something about the way you left off makes you look back at him once more, and you watch his figure retreat further and further into the darkness until you’re staring into a void.

Once you finish your homework and dinner, you retire to your room and lie down on your bed, which seems comfier than usual after such a tiring week. You stay there for a few minutes, until an idea pops into your head and you get up, heading to your closet. You open your closet doors, reach up to the top shelf whose access requires you to stand on the tips of your toes, and take down a box filled with miscellaneous objects you no longer have any use for. You rummage through the box, before finally coming across what you were looking for. 

There it is, the calculator he gave you three years ago. By now you’ve upgraded to a much better device, one that’s of adequate size and doesn’t display eights that closely resemble zeros. “You have to hold a light over it and look for a horizontal line down the middle to distinguish between the two,” he had explained after you complained about the headache it gave you.

It almost seems smaller now, sitting in your hand, and you look at it with a fondness that’s comparable to a mother looking at her child. You begin to feel foolish, _it’s just a calculator_ , you remind yourself. Still, it holds a special meaning to you, even more so than some of the extravagant gifts you’ve received from him over the years.

You’re interrupted from your thoughts by the buzzing of your phone against the wooden surface of your desk. You stand up, the calculator still in your hand, and see that it’s Daichi. You’re confused why Daichi would be calling you at this hour, but you answer anyway, “Daichi?” His voice on the other side sounds distressed, “You might want to sit down for this.”

At first, you couldn’t believe it. You were plagued with a nauseous feeling, quickly covered in a cold sweat. Your mind was flooded with a million thoughts, not a single one was reassuring.

 _No. This can’t be true. Why would he_ — _? It’s a sick joke. How could_ — _?_

Your legs took control first, and you frantically ran down your stairs, missing a few of them but refusing to tumble over. It didn’t even cross your mind to slip on a pair of shoes or grab the winter jacket hanging beside the door, right where you left it just a few hours prior. Head clouded with sadness and anger, you certainly didn’t hear your worried mother calling out to you from the front door you left wide open.

The cold air was just as harsh as it was on the way home, but the pure adrenaline you were running on stopped you from noticing. Despite the furious pace of your arms back and forth, the calculator hadn’t fallen from your right hand, and your phone was still in your left one. You didn’t realize that you never hung up, that Daichi was desperately repeating your name only to be met with your shallow gasps for air and feet hitting the ground as you ran toward Suga’s house. You were in complete denial. 

It wasn’t until you were approaching his driveway that you had the air sucked out of your lungs, and it wasn’t from running. You first noticed the blaring lights of an ambulance parked outside, which should’ve hurt your eyes to stare directly at, but you were frozen. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from such a horrifying sight. Eventually your eyes shifted to the entrance of his home; the sight of his parents in tears embracing one another hurt you so much, you actually felt a pain in your chest.

On this cold night, Suga became the star in the sky he had always dreamed of becoming. 

**Author's Note:**

> i would like to note that this is based off of a post by @blair.childx on tiktok, so i am NOT taking credit for the idea. 
> 
> literally any feedback would be wonderful, even if it's a critique. thank you for reading!


End file.
